REFLECTION: I think I'm Crazy. Just Like You.

And if it’s an illusion, I don’t want to wake up. I’m gonna hang on to it. Because the alternative is an abyss, is just a hole, a darkness, a nothingness. Who wants that? You know? ... that’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.
— Sza, “20 Something”

Hi. I’m khoLi. Yesterday was World Mental Health Day — observed with the objective of raising awareness and increasing support of mental health issues and efforts around the world — so, yesterday, I began drafting this blog.

carrie kholi

Also: I’m damn near crazy.

I know many of us won’t like that language — “crazy” — so, I’ll justify.

Definition of crazy

  • Full of cracks or flaws :unsound | “they were very crazy, wretched cabins”

  • Not mentally sound :marked by thought or action that lacks reason : insane | “yelling like a crazy man” (not used technically) : impractical | “a crazy plan” :erratic | “crazy drivers”

  • Being out of the ordinary :unusual | “a taste for crazy hats”

  • Distracted with desire or excitement | “a thrill-crazy mob” | “The fans went crazy when their team won the championship.”

  • Absurdly fond : infatuated “He’s crazy about the girl.”

  • Passionately preoccupied : obsessed | “crazy about boats”

You get it.

"Crazy" is accurate because I’m an individual that is at any and all moments almost at the place I’ve convinced myself I need to be while becoming the next version of my most high and best self and … even this sentence — ridiculous as I am — is exhausting. Honestly.

And yet, I keep at it. Every day.

Read more about exactly why I do it

(and why I think you do it too)